Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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