it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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