This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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