I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize