yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
