therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
