At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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