Sry I called you an 8
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
