You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize