and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
