I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
