i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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