Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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