I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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