I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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