I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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