I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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