sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
