This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
