I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize
