Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
