flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
