yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
