Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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