Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
