i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
she looked like the before picture.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You're breaking my sexual little heart
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
