my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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