The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
