now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
