im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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