ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
