dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
