You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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