So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
