i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
please come you make the beer taste better
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
