Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
