ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
