Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
