Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
