Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
