Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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