So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
