"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
