What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
