So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
