got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
