When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
