Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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