sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Randomize
