I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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