By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize