I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
