best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
