i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
