Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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