i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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