Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
