So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
