sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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