I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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