Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
