If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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