I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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