if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
