We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
