I can't watch pbs sober anymore
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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