woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
