I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
