Whats the glycemic index on semen?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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