Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize