i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just high enough for therapy.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
