What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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