She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
