I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
