How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
