Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
