When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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