Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
