She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
