Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
