none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
