Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
