Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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