I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
