Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Is it penis luge time yet?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
