thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
