OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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