U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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