My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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