Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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