Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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