Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
