if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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