Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
